Posted By: Michelle
Guys, this one IS for you.
Take One: It is a beer tasting event. My husband and I get our tickets. As usual, we are hoping that there is a designated driver or non-drinker cheap or fee option for him. Most often not. Either way, we enter. I am excited, eyes wide open and feeling the great beer energy that abounds. He looks sad, accepting his fate with a certain amount of dread. Like when he takes me to a gun show. Yeah, it’s like that. After we are in the event and start to peruse the offerings, he is quickly approached by other attendees for beer talk. Brewers and vendors single him out for beer related conversation. Do you brew? What have you tasted? Where are you from? How long have you been brewing?
Take Two: It is a local home brew club meeting or social gathering. My husband and I arrive and home brewers start to roll in. The general crowd of home brewers hones in on my old man. They quickly walk over and start their beer talk. My hubby looks at them with a blank stare and says, “You need to talk to her.” The unknowing home brewer now looks at me with that same blank stare.
Take Three: It is a night out. A nice dinner and a couple of drinks. I am reading the beer menu and am throwing technical beer related questions left and right to the wait staff. While I try to extrapolate important libation information from the server, s/he looks confusedly at my spouse, wondering why they are having this conversation with me and not with him.
And so it goes…..

My Husband's "Brewer Support Team" Tee
I am a craft-beer-drinking-home-brew-making-brewery-touring-libation-loving woman! Say that five times fast. Not the norm, as I have quickly learned. It got to the point that I had a t-shirt made for my hubby. Just to clear up any confusion about who the beer dork truly is.
Keep in mind that I have years of experience being the only woman in a male dominated arena. Recall, if you will, that I ride motorcycles. I don’t ride on the back and I do ride for real. That means I ride thousands of miles in a season. I ride in the rain, in the wind, in the heat, the cold…. etc. I am not the only woman who does this, just to be clear. I embrace my riding sisters and have nothing but respect and admiration (envy?) for those who ride circles around me! But, it can get weird. I wear full gear, which quickly removes many gender-related indicators. I also wear a full-face helmet that leaves only my eyes and nose exposed. Not a lot of identifying information there, either. I also wear my hair short. I learned that my lifestyle of camping, riding, boating and such is just not conducive to anything but low maintenance. Short hair does it for me. In fact, I actually shaved my head one year. Another story.
I do these things that mostly guys do and I wear my hair like mostly guys do and I wear clothes that can be pretty gender neutral while I enjoy my hobbies in the great out of doors. I have been called “Sir” to my face and often on the phone. I hate that, by the way.
For four years in a row, my riding partner (hubby) and I have attended a specific motorcycle rally in the summer. Calm down, it is not the misogynistic-wet-t-shirt-drinking-contest event many call “Sturgis”. We attend the North American V-Strom Rally. The first year, I was one of two women and the only female who rode her own bike. I was bored out of my head and alone in a crowd. None of the guys or the other woman would talk to me. Nobody got excited when asked to ride with me. I played on my smart phone while the guys around me talked up a storm over dinner about their love of bikes and subsequent adventures. I sat a lot and just chilled. I was excited to attend and my hopes for a weekend ripe with motorcycle mania were quickly dashed. Fast forward a couple years and I am now greeted with big bear hugs, warm smiles and conversation galore. I am not only welcome, but known and respected among my bike-loving-ride-in-all-weather-have-helmet-hair crowd. We have found our connection and our common ground. We are now buddies. Friends.
Bringing this all together….. Fellas, I don’t do these things to meet guys. I never did. This is just NOT about YOU! I engage in these activities because I LOVE them. I mean L-O-V-E as in sacrifice other things for them, spend lots of money to enjoy them, and have integrated these passions into all aspects of my life. My Christmas tree is lovingly adorned with beer coaster and motorcycle ornaments. My basement is full of beer supplies and my garage is full of motorcycles. My spare closet is filled with motorcycle gear and my storage shelves are packed with home brew supplies. My spouse and I have arguments about money and spending on our hobbies. Just like you. Just like many of us.
I realize that we are socialized to assume that most interactions between men and women are or will be or should become sexual. Both men and women receive messages that make it difficult to merely see each other as people with common interests, common stories, and connections to make. Connections that lay way outside of anything sexual, intimate or otherwise relationship-oriented. Connections that will bring us joy, but have nothing to do with partner shopping or dating or hooking
up. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch. I bring this up because women, after all, are about 50% of the population. Women, after all, are everywhere, too. We come in all shapes and sizes, colors and configurations. We have lots of diverse interests and personalities. We are as similar and as different as you are.
But there is more…

The Front of Jim's Tee
I ask you, the male majority for this chat, to please not let my gender get in the way. While I may give you a black eye if you call me “sir” to my face (just kidding), I am there To enjoy one of my passions. Just like you. It IS about the beer. It is about talking beer, sharing stories about beer, getting tips and information that is beer related. It is all about the beer!
We share our love or beer (or bikes) and it is okay that we connect. It is okay that my hubby does not share my passion for beer and that I will have lengthy conversations with strange men about something I love. It only means that we share a common interest. Nothing more and nothing less. Dudes, it is about the beer NOT about you! Despite the messed up societal norms we may be exposed to, I think we can work through this together. I think there is room for all of us at the beer-lover-home-brewer table. That being said, it is not always the case that those of us who share a hobby are only there for the hobby. Of course not. I may have been born at night, but it was not last night. I know full well that some folks are looking for a partner, mate or maybe even just a hook-up. So be it. But, let’s be clear that you will figure that out right away. Even your beer-drinking self can recognize flirting vibes and undertones of a sexual nature. I, on the other hand, will make is easy. Not only will I not give you any clear or unmistakable flirt vibes, I can almost always guarantee that my big and tall adoring husband will be standing right there beside me while I get my beer on. A clear indication that I seek no more than a connection. No more than a mutual adoration of good brew. I seek only to indulge my beer dork self.
So, let’s make a deal. Let’s agree to each take a baby step on behalf of our love of beer. I will try and be more outgoing at these events and may even introduce myself to lots of strangers. Men included. In turn, I will ask that you seek out me – the female – and introduce yourself. You may recognize that I am one of the only women there and I may feel shy and intimidated. I probably don’t have any female friends that will attend with me, and I know for sure I have no close female home brew friends. But, like people everywhere, I am just trying to find my place and, in this case, share my love of beer. Like you, I long to connect with others who share my passion. If you approach a couple, perhaps ask who the beer lover is first and don’t assume that it is the male. I will, in turn, try not to get so freaking pissed off when I get ignored or left out or if you ask my hubby about his home brew.
It this always easy? Nope. Especially if you are as introverted as I am. I hate talking to strangers and meeting new people can be hard. But, I am willing to step out of my comfort zone if you will meet me part way. While it may not be our norm to approach strange people at our beer events, especially those who don’t look like us, we do have this great opportunity to break new ground, build a community and welcome new folks. It is our love of beer that brings us together. It is our love of beer that makes us happy. It is for our love of beer that we invest in our beer culture and our beer club. It is for our love of beer that we invite and welcome others in to our passion and our hobby. It is for our love of beer that we can throw out societal norms, expectations and stereotypes and move beyond the gender divide. Hell, let’s get crazy and include the racial divide, the ability divide, the age divide. Let’s include all those things that keep us separate and put them aside. It is for our love of beer that our community can and will grow, accepting all who enter. It is about creating and nurturing a quality beer culture. It is, again, about the shared passion. It is, as always, all about the beer. But, all bets are off if you call me “sir” to my face. Then it’s on…..
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